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Kajira Reflections Pt 1

~ The Girl in the Glass ~

July, 2004

When I look in the mirror, I see different things depending on where I am at with myself.
Some days the occasional pimple or the rolls of fat stand out more, some days the beauty stands out more.

In more depth though…
I see a woman who is beautiful. She has large, slightly almond shaped, deep brown eyes, full lips, high cheekbones, dark eyebrows that would be a bit too pronounced on many women, but they work on her face and a big-ish "Cherokee nose", but again, it works on her face. Her face is sprinkled liberally with small freckles. She has red hair with a few strands of grey that have appeared in the last few years. He hair is considered long by most, but in her eyes, it is "just starting to get long again" It brushes her butt when she leans her head back. It is part curly, part straight. Her neck is graceful, especially for a woman of her size and it is enhanced by her Master's collar, along with a pentagram and a medicine bag that she wears. And a Mjollnir (Thor's Hammer) necklace that is even less removable than Master's collar. It is a tattoo. Her 7th (of 12). Her shoulders are broader than most women's, but still beautiful and decidedly female. She is muscular. She has well defined biceps and forearms. She thinks that is beautiful too and loves to see her muscles flexed. She has very ample breasts that are full and still have not lost the fight with gravity. They bear the silvery marks of having fed her 3 children in their infancy and also bear a few marks of a different sort from having fed her Master.. These are scars from cuts made by a scalpel. The are small and not too noticeable unless one looks closely. They are just more things that mark her as his. Thinking of scars, her body also bears many scars from the anger that she used to turn against herself in addition to the ones that others placed there. On her arms and some on the legs. There isn't even a one inch square place on either of her forearms that isn't criss crossed with the evidence of her self destructive past. And then there are the old needle scars. Most people can't see them anymore. Even the doctors don't know unless they are specifically looking for them, but she still sees them. Feels them when she explores the old sites with her fingers. It renews the gratitude she feels for her 15 ˝ years clean and sober. Her belly.. round and with a roll at the bottom..2 when she scrunches certain ways. Stretch marks, a knife (stabbing) scar and a tattoo of a spider's web with the Chinese characters for "scars" and "acceptance" in the web, her still healing belly button piercing. Her sides bear more stretch marks and there is another stabbing scar on her right side, though now it almost blends in with the stretch marks. Her butt is not as rounded as she would prefer, but it is still nicely shaped and muscular so that it isn't "sagging" like the magazines say it must be at her age/weight. Generous thighs and hips; thick and solid. Her left front thigh is marked with a faded branding of a Kef, almost 2 years old. It is barely visible now and she is reminded that she wants to beg Master to have it redone this summer, but this time with a permanent brand. Her right front thigh has a tattoo of a heart with a banner with line and an X on it (x________ ) like the "sign here" thing. The knees are pretty scarred up, but what the heck, almost no one has pretty knees, and hers really aren't all that bad. Her calves are well defined and shapely. All in all, she has dancer's legs and is very pleased with them. Her ankles are slim, but still sturdy enough. The left is adorned with slave bells that tinkle with even the slightest movement and the right is marked with a slave anklet that matches the slave bracelet on her right wrist. Her Master has her well marked :) Now she remembers…she forgot to note her hands. They also have many scars, some self inflicted, some from work, some from fights, some accidental misc. stuff. They are strong hands, slightly callused.. Working hands. The fingers on the right hand are all a bit crooked from having been broken, and the knuckles are perhaps a bit gnarled for a woman of her age, but they are not bad at all and she has nicely shaped nails. When they go long enough without getting broken, she gets asked where she gets them "done" and other women are surprised that they are her natural nails, so that must be good, right? LOL. Her feet are.. well.. feet. They are dirty now from running around barefoot. That is a common thing. They look pretty in sandals (when they're clean). The bottoms are anything but pretty...They are very callused because she hardly ever wears shoes and wore them even less growing up.
She realizes now that the woman in the mirror is a friend today. She wasn't always. She was once a bitter enemy, bent on the destruction of the woman looking into the glass, filled with self loathing and misery. The reconciliation has taken many years and much hard work and faith, not just on my part, but the loving toil of others as well. Again, I am grateful for all that I have and all that I am. And I am grateful to the slave who presented this challenge so that I could have this opportunity and to all of the slaves who replied to the challenge, especially the one who really took the plunge and bared her soul, for pushing me to seize the opportunity.
Thank you all.
And I am grateful to my Master, for helping to foster the friendship with that woman in the glass. Without him, without his being the man he is, the only man I have found worthy of the trust it takes to surrender to him, I would not have a reason to be on the list that spawned this writing at all.
Nor would the woman who looks back at me in the glass.

© Khaos WolfKat 2004

 

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