The Struggle to Remember One's Place

I was recently given an assignment after a conversation with my Master in which I rather "forgot" who was in charge of my discipline…

The assignment was to define, in my own words, Humility and To Beg and to explain why pride is so dangerous to people.

At first, I didn't understand what the assignment had to do with the situation, but after I began writing, it became clear to me.

I have put it up here for a couple reasons…

One is to offer a further look into the mind/heart of a slave. The other, so that perhaps other slaves reading will see that we ALL struggle.

Here is what I came up with:

Humility is setting aside my pride and/or ego and acting in a way that is submissive to others. Not making anything of myself or my value or perceived value. Knowing that I am no better than anyone else.

To beg is to ask or plead for something in a completely humble and supplicating fashion. TRULY begging is not using the words, "I beg", but to show by my actions and words and body language that I very much want whatever it is and that I know without a doubt that the person I am begging has full control over whether I get it. There is no place for pride in begging.

Pride is very dangerous because it can make it harder to ask for what I need or want, and impossible to beg for it, which can prevent me from getting those things. Or it can blind me to defects in myself so that I am unable to better myself. Pride can cause me to act in undesirable ways and alienate people, or at least the kind of people who I want to attract.

I have been full of pride and self-centeredness.
I can completely see where these three things I was told to define/explain are tied together.
I have disgraced my Master and myself with my behavior and further so by trying to place the blame on Him. It is not his job to see to it that I am pleasing. It is mine. It is his right to punish me or not as he sees fit and I should do my utmost to behave and perform as a pleasing slavegirl regardless of the consequences or lack thereof. I have no right to dictate how He should choose to deal with his property. I have not behaved like this because he is not strict enough. I have done it because I chose to. I have shown no respect for my station or his.

My place is on my knees. My Master is kind enough to allow me to find more comfortable positions because he knows my knees get sore easily, but I take that for granted and I take advantage of his leniency. It is not my place to take anything for granted other than the fact that I am slave and nothing more.
I have willingly chosen to be a slave and knowingly and willingly given up any rights I had as a free person. Everything granted to me is now a privilege for which I often am not properly grateful.

© Khaos WolfKat 2003